Category Archives: The College Years

Vagina, vagina, vagina!

Yeah…so thus far nobody’s noticably blushed when they made eye-contact with me.   Either that means that nobody thought of me while they got intimate with themselves….or that they’ve been doing it all along!   Dirty little buggers!

So yeah…I’ve had a very busy…vagina-filled day.   Busy in that I haven’t had a moments rest.   Vagina filled in that it began with a pelvic exam at the health center, went on to Jen and Jamie’s sex toy party, and then on to the Vagina Monologues.   I’m feeling very much in tune, to say the least, with my femininity right now.

I’ve also turned in my application for the res. life graphic artist position.   I see that as a major professional career move.   I hope like mad that I get the position.   That’d be such a cool job.

At any rate, I’m absolutely exhausted right now.   I think I’m going to hit the sack.

Look me in the eye without blushing! I DARE you!

I feel as though I haven’t accomplished a damned thing today.   Then….how can I feel so tired.   I know that I would be as excited as all get out to do everything that I have to do if it didn’t all come in such enormous quantities.   I know that more isn’t necessarily better….and today proves it.   I guess I just want to be a better person….is that so much to ask?   Should it be so hard to achieve?
People measure themselves by their accomplishments and by the people that surround them….at least that’s how I measure my worth as an individual.   Then that, in turn, means that alone I am worthless…by my own definition.   No, not worthless, per se….more un-appreciated.   I’m seeing a constant reliance on the people around me….yet I identify myself as an introvert.   Even now I am holed up alone in my room and enjoying every moment of it.   Yet, can I still call this a solitary reflection when I know that I am sharing my thoughts with my beloved friends….and whoever the hell else has stumbled accross my jounal.   But I suppose….even the strangers are welcomed to it.   Even the weirdos…..except…all I ask is that you don’t think about me when you masturbate.   I do think that would disgust me terribly.   Well…maybe I’d be flattered.   Screw it!   I invite you all to think about my voluptuous little body the next time you pleasure yourselves!   You can even tell people!   Maybe they’ll then realize….that….uh….I’d– I don’t know what they’d realize.   Maybe they’d be so motivated by your private testament of your personal pleasure that they’d all go home and pleasure themselves to mental images of me!   It’ll create a pandemic of masturbation!   People will probably be a whole lot happier, too…   And nobody will ever be able to look me in the eye without blushing again.

Much Madness is divinest Sense–

435
Much Madness is divinest Sense–
To a discerning Eye–
Much Sense–the starkest Madness–
‘Tis the Majority
In this, as All, prevail–
Assent–and you are sane–
Demur–you’re straightway dangerous–
And handled with a Chain–
Emily Dickenson

So I’ve just finished reading a wonderful short story by Charlotte Perkins Gilman, a late 19th century American women’s rights activist, called “The Yellow Wall-Paper.”   In this story, a middle-class white woman goes from nervous to insane in a east-coast summer mansion; a vacation that is supposed to improve her condition, but ironically worsens it.   Her slow progress towards insanity is outlined in the description of the maddening and illogical patterns and putrid colors of the peeling and stained yellow wall-paper that decorates her chamber.   The room, which becomes as much of a physical cell as a psycological one, becomes a metaphor for the opression she feels from her patronizing husband as well as society.
I guess I’m still marveling at how pretty it must be to go mad…crazy….bats in the bellfry…in the alluring Victorian sense.   I wonder what it must be like to be accompanied by phantoms within your own mind or how much fun it must be to bounce off the padded walls.   This day in age, it would never happen like that…   If I were to suddenly go nuts, I would be put on paxil or prozac…and be made to analize the source of my insanity with so many shrinks….a private pleasure that I’m sure I would not want to share with anybody.   The beauty of such an affliction of the mind would be lost….wasted on the American insistance on happiness.   As we all wander about with our silly archaic grins…as if everything were okay in our frustrated, little, over-worked lives.   Remind me never to go nuts….

Only time can heal a conference hangover.

118 visits so far this month…..that’s remarkable.   Is there someone out there that keeps entering and leaving my journal to get my numbers up?   I’m actually kind of self-consious about the whole thing.   I mean, this must mean that I’ve either got a substantial audience…or a stalker.   In the case of the former, I’ve got an entire audience to entertain…which, I suppose, kind of defeats the purpose of documenting private sentaments in a journal…but makes me feel importaint, nonetheless!   I guess the latter could be just as fun…after all, I’ve never been stalked before!   ;o)

Anyhow, I’ve just had a wonderful weekend attending WURHA at UW-Whitewater.   Props to the conference staff…they did a great job!   I had very little in the way of CR’s…like usual.   I flirted with people and that’s always fun.   I even kissed a bald guy on the cheek because he was wearing a sign that read, “Kiss me I’m bald.”   But even that was was just a random peck on the cheek…I don’t even think I said anything to him.   I had a guy following me around all weekend…he began doing it at No Frills.   Not that I mind, he’s a really sweet guy and I’m glad that he likes to be around me…but I think he’s gay and it really confuses me because I also think he’s persuing me.   He could be just doing it as a manner of hiding his homosexuality, or maybe he’s in denial…which I understand.   It’s got to be a difficult thing to be poorly reiceved by society on the basis of who you’re attracted to.   Then again, maybe he’s straight and I’m just an idiot.   Eh well…I’m sure you’ve all heard me gripe before that the only guys that I ever see as date-worthy are also homosexual.   It’s the source of much lament for me….but eh well….I don’t have time for intimate relationships anyway.
So yeah…O-town cleaned house in the way of awards this weekend!   We got bunches and bunches of 2-year pins, 2 4-year pins (mine and Kevin Akamann’s), Banner, program of the year, and WCC of the year.   We put in a bid for Bubbles for student of the year, which I believe he is fully deserving of, but we accidentally forgot to include proof of his good academic standing in the bid and it got thrown out.   I’m very happy that Becky won.   She actually believed for a while that it was the WCC’s that had written it up….Bubbles and I are so sneaky!   Bubbles asked me to keep it a secret from her because he wanted to be there when she found out, but Schu-dogg spilled the beans.   She didn’t really react to having won the award one way or the other at the banquet, but she certainly bawled when we got back to the room.   I even got a little misty myself….I’m so happy for her…she really deserves it.

So yeah…I’ve been nursing a conference hangover all day.   I had alot of fun…but the whole sleep deprivation thing is always a challange for me….and I get pretty grumpy.   It was pretty bad, too….I vaguely remember looking at a tree this afternoon and being enraged at it’s very existance….I wanted to go kick it…but I successfully contained my anger. No vegetation was hurt.

With that…I suppose I should go take a shower and get to bed.   I’m exhausted.   And I didn’t accomplish a damned thing today.   Bye all!

Don’t tick me off….I might cry.

Hey you guys!   93 people have visited my journal this month so far and this is only the third time I’ve written!   Seriously, what keeps you guys comming back?   I don’t get it.

So…yeah.   I’ve been thinking a lot about life, lately.   We’re reading Emily Dickenson poems in my American Literature class and the woman was seriously obsessed with death and the brevity of life.   In half of her poems her view of death reads as something to be feared and the other half portrays it as a welcome reprieve to the human condition.   I guess my largest concern is that there is nothing after death….that we just cease to exist….void.   I think even hell would be better than that…..after all…pain can be a very sensuous thing.   (Oh lord…that made me sound like such a sadist…I mean sensual as in dealing with the senses…not in the sexual sense…even though I suppose that could be fun too…)   At any rate, I’m glad to be alive.   I’m thrilled to know that every day I’m doing something, however insignificant to better myself.   Even on my shittiest possible days I’m glad to be around.

I’m sorry…I’m really being weird right now.   You know what I wish…I wish that people would used the term “weird” in the Victorian sense…meaning fantastic or supernatural instead of abnormal and excentric.   That was my tangent for the evening…   It’s my journal, ding-dang it!   I’ll go off on a tangent if I darn well please!

So yes…where was I?   Ah…I’ve been weird lately.   Last Friday I was totally PMSing….I like to think that I don’t get PMS badly, but I guess last Friday morning kind of blew that idea away.   Well, I was feeling stressed to begin with, then I was overcome with melancholy while reading Dickenson, and then we watched a SAD, sad movie in Spanish and that was it…I broke down bawling in Spanish.   Now, I wasn’t all out sobbing, if that’s what you’re thinking…but I was certainly a little more than “misty.”   Really, there’s nothing in the world that’s worse than crying in front of other people…for me, anyway.   And I’m not a graceful or pretty cryer, by any means.   You know how actresses always seem to weep so prettily in movies….makes me sick.   I don’t think anyone cries that way….and if they do, they’re faking.   I, for one, get all red and snotty and gross when I cry.   I don’t think anyone should ever have to witness that.   And the very worst thing for me when I’m trying not to cry in front of a person, is when they talk to me….or rather…expect me to answer them.   Because I know that the instant I open my mouth to talk my speech will not be my usual calm and collected words, but instead a jumbled, incoherent conglomeration of sobs and sniffles.   All of which could very easily have been avoided if that stupid-ass person could have just left me alone until my composure had sufficiently been restored.   And I don’t cry for pretty reasons, either.   I cry when I’m angry, frustrated, tired, and stressed…very rarely do my tears actually express sadness.   I guess I just don’t deal very well with being anything but happy….that’s probably why I’m so happy-go-lucky by nature.   Good thing too….because I certainly look like hell when I’m not.   Which leads me to my next point, whoever said, “You know you’re beautiful when you’re angry,” was a fucking idiot.   Nobody’s beautiful when their angery!   Where do people come up with this shit?   I know that if anyone ever told me that, I’d be even more furious.   That’s like someone telling me that     I’m “cranky.” Ohhhh….that’s the worst.   Anyone who tells me that I’m “cranky,” weather I’m crabby or not, will rue the day.   My fury will rain down upon them in firey brimstone!   Either that or I’ll cry….and then they’ll have to see me…all ugly and snotty.   Then they’ll regret it….that’s right.

Hey chil’rens!

Hey chil’rens! I’m sorry I’ve been slacking so much on my journal here. I’m alarmed to discover that there are a wopping 61 people that have visited my journal this month! WOW! And I haven’t even written lately! Now either that means that I’m really, very interesting…..or all of you guys are really…really….aren’t. Just kidding…I love you all and you know it! I’m just dumbfounded…..maybe I should sell my story to Hollywood….I could make money off of this!

Anyhow, the new semester is going really well for me. I’ve got two studio design classes that are really challanging, but a lot of fun at the same time. I also have two American Literature classes…one of North America, in English…and one of Latin America in Spanish. I’ve got one right after the other and they offer a really interesting contrast between the development of the Americas. I also really missed having an opportunity to speak in Spanish. It brings back all of these wonderful memories of Spain…..ahhh…Spain……hot Spanish men. And I have Dr. Feldman for the American Lit class….that guy is the best. For any of you who have never had him, he’s the odd slight man that you always see lurking about in the commons. Just go up to him and start talking to him…from that point on he will never fail to recognize you or call you by name. He called Ali, one of our exchange students, “weird” today because he didn’t go out and get drunk on his birthday last night. Man, that guy cracks me up!
So yeah…and this past weekend I had the honor of representing UW-O’s Eric Theide Chapter of NRHH at No Frills. What a great conference… I’m still dissappointed it’s over. I met so many wonderful people….and I showed so many strangers my fuzzy bra.
So yeah…Becky, bless her heart, found matching fuzzy bras and underwear on sale when we were shopping at Walmart.
Ehhh….nuts….I’ve got to get going. I’ll tell more about it later.

Keepin’ the bitches happy….

Hi all!
I guess it’s been a while.   I’m dreadfully sorry for keeping my dearest easyjournal fans waiting in excruciating anticipation for my next entry….because I’m sure that’s exactly how it was…..agonizing, to say the least.

At any rate, I did recieve a nasty little journal message from my biotch, Becky, complaining that I hadn’t written my entry on her big, bad b-day celebration…which I suppose I shall give an account of now….   After all, one must keep one’s bitches satisfied….and I do hate to have even one of my bitches worried by some such discontentment.   ;)

Yeah…so the interim had ended successfully and my dreaded speech class was finally over.   I needed an excuse to go out Friday night….and Becky’s 21st b-day was cause for celebration.   Sooo…I played Trivial Persuit with Bubbles and Justin until 11:30 when we met up with Kari, her boyfriend, Quade, Becky, Missy, Allan, and I think that was all of them and we went out to the campus bars.   We all got sloppy drunk and played darts.   It was great…we took lots of pictures.   On the way back to Stewart we even took pictures in front of the “University of Wisconsin Oshkosh” in front of Nelson.   I’m surprised our drunk asses managed that.   Justin, Bubbles, Quade, and I all went back to Stewart where they all proceeded to blow chunks.   I, being the dear friend that I am, patted them on their backs in turn and offered them water.   At about 4:30 am I walked my own drunk ass accross the court yard and went to bed….only to get up at 9:30 to get ready to go to Stevens Point to visit all of my friends.
That was a fun time.   I stayed with Cathy O’Hearn and hung out with her and Eric for the larger part of Saturday afternoon and evening and Sunday morning.   Saturday night I visited with my friends I went to Spain with, Kelly and Rachel.   On Sunday afternoon and evening I visited my very good friend Anna.   We watched the first 7 hours of Queer as Folk consecutively.   I’d never seen it before and I loved it.   It’s all about a circle of friends that are all gay men.   It’s adorable!   Granted, a little racy.   There are some lusty gay sex scenes that still make me blush.   Thank goodness for gay men and bless their flamboyant little hearts!

Moving on, on Monday morning I went back to Green Bay for a dentist appointment and on Tuesday I hung out with, Garret, a friend of mine from highschool that I had a fling with a couple summers back.   Nothing major…we dated all summer and we never advanced beyond holding hands and cuddling.   I suspect that that’s the extent of the action that this kid’s ever seen….as well as the last time that he’s had any such interaction with a female.   It’s not that he couldn’t get a date…it’s almost more that he’s too lazy get one.   And I guess that’s what frustrates me about him most.   Lot’s of potential, no ambition.

Well…I came back on Thursday and hung out with Gale, Cassie, and Ryan in Clemans.   We ordered chinese food and had lots of fun.   Then Friday and Saturday I had training, which was an enormous-ass barrel o’ fun.   It really wasn’t so bad.   I enjoyed the speaker we had on Saturday morning.   He was all cute, energetic, and flamboyantly gay.   It was a very enlightening and entertaining 3 hours.   Then we had a jam session….that was cool…regardless of my terrible sense of rhythem.   The banquet was fun and the dance that followed was even better.   Not many people showed up, but that didn’t stop me from cutting a rug.   I even got in a slow dance with Nathan and a swing dance with Tiffany.   From there, Nathan and I walked to Liquid Supply where we met with Becky and Luke to play darts.   Quade and Danyelle showed up later…and as Nathan and I were leaving, I ran into Deb.   It was her 24th birthday and she was as crazy as ever.   That woman…boy I tell ya….

Yeah…so today is move in.   I’m just sitting around and that’s about it.
I’m sorry if this entry isn’t quite the most stimulating thing you’ve ever read.   I’m not really in the mood for writing right now.   Okay…I’m going to work on my staff’s door Decs.

Latah!

Wholy mackrel….that’s right….entirely mackrel….

Wholy mackrel….each and every bit of it.   I’m having   a hell of a day today, kids.   Wow….I’m just astounded by what a crappy day it’s been….and the crazy thing is that it’s after 7:00 and the damned thing is nowhere near being over.

I guess the whole thing began last night…   I went to the Martin Luther King Jr. ceremony and had a wonderful time.   A bunch of res lifers were there, but I didn’t get to sit with them becuase of assigned seating…I got to talk with them though.   So yeah…Chancellor Wells does not let one of his events go even remotely without class.   There was even live music….and *what* live music.   It was a jazz group…and it was really good.   But considering the event, I just had to laugh.   The group was made up of the oldest, whitest guys I’d ever seen.   And get this!   They called themselves the Geriatric Jazz Group!   I shit you not!   Isn’t that a riot?   And those old farts were so smooth, too….the hippest damned grandpas that *I’d* ever seen, anyway.   Anyhow, after the ceremony I went to a WURHA meeting…those are always good, but I don’t feel that I had contributed much considering my late arrival.   Well…after all that…at about 9:30 that night, I realized that I had a presentation to give today and I hadn’t even begun to prepare the stupid thing.   Well….to make a long story short, I got my presentation prepared and managed to get 3 short hours of sleep before class.   I got to class and my knees were just knocking about this presentation.   I realized that I hadn’t done the paper that was due for today…I was going to write an evaluation of one of the speakers at the ceremony last nigh.   The prof. said it was no big deal and that I would only a few points would be docked.   So yeah…I realized today…after 4 people presented and my name hadn’t been called….that I don’t present until tomorrow.   Nuts.
Yeah…so I’ve done all sorts of stupid stuff today…I wrote a note on my hand and fell asleep with it under my cheek….well…my face picked that bad boy up like silly puddy.
I broke my guardian angel necklace that my mom had given me.
I spilled milk all over my tray at lunch….Ruefus (sp?) would have been dissappointed.   Luckily he wasn’t around to give me hell about it.
Then I had to meet with Allen McCormick from Res. Life about time management.   I went in…he took one look at my gpa and said….”so….what’s the problem?”   I guess he’s not used meeting with honors students that need help organizing their time.
I dunno….today’s that day for me…that dayt that makes me appreciate every other day in my life…because it doesn’t happen to be today.
Anyhow, I’ve got all sorts of stuff I need to get done before my staff meeting.   That’ll be just a bag ‘o’ thrills, too, I’m sure.

Hispanic asses….

Arrrg! I’ve just gotten into an argument with one of my Spanish friends over my msn instant messanger. What an un-fulfilling vehicle for discussion! And it didn’t help at all that it was in spanish. I was clearly at a disadvantage…. And you know what the argument was about? That stupid-ass chain letter to sent a Euro to help the leppers in South America! Gah! He got mad at me because I wouldn’t participate and swore up and down and right and left that the damned thing was real. Which I guess is okay….except for the fact that NONE OF MY FRIENDS HERE SPEAK SPANISH WELL ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THE DAMNED THING IS ABOUT! Okay….I’m going to breath….it’s not worth geting upset about.

Okay. Moving on. I wish my butt looked like Shakira’s. But then wouldn’t Shakira’s bottom look rediculous on my voluptuous little body? (Yes…I’m voluptuous…not plump, cubby or round….voluptuous!)I guess in that case I’d need to have Shakiras torso and hips….which would still look silly… Well…that settles it. I just need to switch bodies entirely with Shakria. She can still have a successful music carreer with my sexy shortness! Eh whatver….Shakira doesn’t know what she’s missing!

Anyhow, I’ve had the most un-productive weekend ever…and I loved every moment of it. I didn’t even make it out to the bars! That was almost a relief in and of itself…I can only handle so much of the bar scene… I ended up watching movies with my residents and then I went over to Clemans to watch a bit of Lord of the Rings with Ryan. Fun times!

Okay….well…I suppose I’d better get my crap done. I’ll talk to you all later! Bye!

Witty me!–Stupid Americans!

Get this you guys! Sarah Quade, the queen of smart-ass comments, who always has some wonderful toung-in-cheek response ready for any nit-witt who dares to challange her, said I was witty! Not only that! She said that I should write saitire! I’m in my glory! Quade, I’ve always marveled at your intellegent, funny-ass humor and you’ve just made my day by sending me that message! You rule!

Anyhow, down to business….I’ve just gone to see Bowling for Columbine with Nathan Wardinski, one of my favorite people. For those of you who don’t know, it is a documentary film on violence in America. Not only was it absolutely hilarious, it ventured to answer the question, “Why do Americans treat eachother so violently?” It took a refreashing new approach to the problem of increased crime rates and school schootings by searching for the origin of the agression. It did not argue that we should ban fire arms “because I said so” or that Marilyn Manson inspires bloodlust, but instead suggested that it was a result of mass paranoia. Although I loved the film and I’d recommend it to anyone with a brain, I find that as a result of having watched it I feel more animosity towards our nation now than ever. If you remember from my 1/12 entry I complained of wanting to leave the country, well now I really want to leave! Stupid Americans! Good Lord….I’m an embarrassment to myself. (….no offense to my beloved journal fans, of course…..)

Anyhow, I need to find some friends to hang out with tonight….it’s 8:45 on a Friday night and I don’t feel like studying….

G’Bye all!