I took a ride down the stairs last night. The previous owners of my home thought it would be a good idea to paint the stairs with high-gloss powder blue paint. This, coupled with my fondness for fuzzy socks, can make a trip downstairs treacherous. Last night’s incident was particular in that I also happened to be wearing my fuzziest pajamas, lending distance to the low-friction slide that would imminently follow, paddling my ample bottom all the way down to the third remaining step.

And really the worst part, I think was the feeling of my posterior meeting the first step, more than the slide. The thing that’s really remarkable is that my left buttock now sports a bruise that bears uncanny resemblance to the band of the Milky Way. Who’d have thought that Milky Way’s really would go straight to my ass.