Grumpy…sad…grumpy…

I’m in sort of a crappy mood tonight…for a variety of reasons.

  1. I just found out my sister (who may just as well be my twin) signed up for LA Weightloss.
    Now don’t get me wrong…I couldn’t be happier for her and I wish her all of the success in the world. The problem is that she is, in a way, a standard of measurement for me…we kind of are for eachother. Things go well when our successes/failures coincide. Conversely, when one succeeds and the other fails, it becomes a detriment to the “failure’s” self image. Now, understand that I’m speaking of extreme circumstances, here. This usually only becomes readily apparent when one or both of us is in a particularly negative mood…which is rarity for us. Right now, however, now I am in a bad mood… I’m convinced that my sister is going to meet her personal weight goal and leave me fat and sedentary in the dust.
  2. Voice mail messages: from ex-boyfriend=2; from boyfriend=0
    It’s an unwritten law that invariably the one you don’t want to talk to will relentlessly try to contact you, meanwhile the one that leaves you sadly deprived of attention has forgotten how to use the telephone. Bah…I don’t think he’s ever called me without me first calling him. This really puts me in the position of the “needy partner” that I particularly despise. I realize that all relationships–regardless of whether they’re platonic, romantic, familial, work-related, et cetera–are all based on power. There is always a difference in power, however slight as it may be, between those involved. Typically in a romantic relationship, the one that says, “I love you” first is the weaker member. It’s a sad thought that I’m not particularly fond of, but it means that one is at the mercy of the other…they have emotional control. It’s quite often not as terrible as it sounds…but sometimes it can really be a bitch. It’s not being needy that I have a problem with. It’s not feeling needed in return that’s giving me grief. I won’t stand for being the yippy whelp that demands constant care…and I want very badly to demand to be lavished with attention. Tricky. So what do I do? Call him? No. Be convieniently busy? Tried that. Break it off and find someone that has time for me? I don’t think I’m ready to do that.
  3. I can be moody if I damn well please and I don’t owe anyone an explanaition!

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