I get irrationally pissed off, sometimes…and quite frankly, I really enjoy doing it. I don’t understand the appeal…especially not for me. You see, my goal in life is to make people like me. The way I measure my self worth is not by the things I accomplish or accumulate, but instead by the number of people that like me and the degree of esteem in which they hold me. This is all well and good, for me…I know, people might criticize that I shouldn’t put control of something so valuable as my own self worth in the hands of others…that I should find my value within. Or worse, one could find fault that I require a means to measure my worth at all. These are valid arguments, but I don’t feel they serve to be addressed in the scope of this blog post. The point I was trying to make is that being irrationally pissed off isn’t very conducive to getting people to like me. Unless, of course, those people are all pissed off about the same thing I am…but it’s difficult to get everyone in the world to be irrationally pissed off at the same thing. I suppose sarcasim and humor work well to alieviate the sting of any offensive piss-ant rantings.
So yeah, I like getting pissed off, and I don’t understand the appeal. Maybe it’s the drama associated with playing the wounded heart. It’s fun to fill the role of the high-maintinance heroine…to fly off the handle on a whim and have the world rush to placate you. Maybe it’s all just for the make up sex…who knows?
Here’s the good news: I keep a lot of my irrational anger internal…humoring myself with angst-filled monologues…smiting innocent victims left and right with the omnipotent power of my mind. But the bad news is that I haven’t a poker face to save me. If something’s bothering me, the world knows it with so little as a glance at my tell-tale countenance. (Damn you face! Can’t trust you to keep a sectret!) But I suppse…I’ve never had someone confront me with a wounded, “Did you just smite me with your mind?!” So perhaps it’s only evident that something is bothering me, however irrational or pointless.
But, there’s other good news: I’m no good at holding a grudge…so I’ll get over it…whatever it may be. I’m resilient like that.