Look me in the eye without blushing! I DARE you!

I feel as though I haven’t accomplished a damned thing today.   Then….how can I feel so tired.   I know that I would be as excited as all get out to do everything that I have to do if it didn’t all come in such enormous quantities.   I know that more isn’t necessarily better….and today proves it.   I guess I just want to be a better person….is that so much to ask?   Should it be so hard to achieve?
People measure themselves by their accomplishments and by the people that surround them….at least that’s how I measure my worth as an individual.   Then that, in turn, means that alone I am worthless…by my own definition.   No, not worthless, per se….more un-appreciated.   I’m seeing a constant reliance on the people around me….yet I identify myself as an introvert.   Even now I am holed up alone in my room and enjoying every moment of it.   Yet, can I still call this a solitary reflection when I know that I am sharing my thoughts with my beloved friends….and whoever the hell else has stumbled accross my jounal.   But I suppose….even the strangers are welcomed to it.   Even the weirdos…..except…all I ask is that you don’t think about me when you masturbate.   I do think that would disgust me terribly.   Well…maybe I’d be flattered.   Screw it!   I invite you all to think about my voluptuous little body the next time you pleasure yourselves!   You can even tell people!   Maybe they’ll then realize….that….uh….I’d– I don’t know what they’d realize.   Maybe they’d be so motivated by your private testament of your personal pleasure that they’d all go home and pleasure themselves to mental images of me!   It’ll create a pandemic of masturbation!   People will probably be a whole lot happier, too…   And nobody will ever be able to look me in the eye without blushing again.